Entries for March, 2005

March 6, 2005 03:35 PM
Daynah made me
Thanks to Daynah, I am now a tabulas person baffled by all the options I'm presented with. I remember when blog publishing programs were just blogs and online journals were just that. Now there's a whole personal website in here and i'm still getting used to which options are located where. I signed up for one (or more like five) of these when they first came out, but I didn't know enough people using it and I didn't really like the name tabulas either so I stayed with LiveJournal.

But the customizable layouts option and the crossposting feature has convinced me to give this another try.

March 6, 2005 03:42 PM
baths, brownies, and love.
Nights like these, I cannot even begin to describe. There are no words for it, only feelings of pure enjoyment reveling in each other's presence. I like sharing baths together, soaking in the tub and watching the water drain out in whirlpools. I like prancing around in my underwear, looking cute and feeling free as I spin and twirl, almost like I have wings, almost like I can fly. And when you pick me up, the feeling's even more real.

And it is. Where we are is so much higher than our physical beings, so much higher than eyes can see. Past the sky and the stars and the sun. We're connected in a way that is just so much more. I'm still amazed every time we complete each other's sentences, every time one of does exactly what the other is thinking, and how you always seem to know exactly where I itch and which part of my back needs scratching.

Waking up now, it almost feels like a dream shattered by the schoolwork I know I'll have to do today. Looking at you sleeping so peaceful, with an arm draped around me, I can't help but smile and eat another of the banana nut and caramel brownies you made me last night.

March 7, 2005 07:31 PM
I'd like to see her take flight into the stars
She's a fairy with broken wings
I used to watch her perform
And if she hears me I hope she sings songs
That had me going right back
Couldn't find anyone in town to talk
'Bout how no one like that
Should be confined to the ground we walk

New site at xStaria.com; anyone want to buy chasethestars.com?

March 9, 2005 03:57 AM
destructive habits
I don't cut. I don't carve dark reminders of painful memories into my skin. I don't abuse my body like that. Or I didn't think I did anyway.

Seeing the welts on my abdomen and my legs, the blotches of pink spread over my back and other places of my body – the image reflected back in the mirror freaked me out.

I know I've been scratching a lot lately, but it's mindless scratching when I itch and after I scratch, I don't remember that I did. I didn't know that I was digging into my skin, I didn't know that it looked this bad, like I had been taking beatings.

There are self-inflicted bruises on my arm from the gnawing I did the other night to alleviate my frustrations, but it scares me that I could subconsciously harm myself like this and not know it.

March 9, 2005 03:49 PM
it's like there's happiness in my mouth
You drive me wild and I just want to scream and let the world hear this 2am mad mad passion. But there is no world, no beyond this bed, no beyond your loving eyes. There is just us and that is all there needs to be as I feel everything you and you feel everything me pulsating through and through and through.

March 11, 2005 12:01 AM
school lazy
I remember orientation and being told about the attendance records kept. I remember thinking perfect attendance would be no problem, and that it'd looked good to any potential employer. I remember thinking it wouldn't be likely that I'd miss class anyway, that it'd be 4 hours I'd have to make up.

Since last quarter, it's been easier and easier to leave early, or to altogether just not show up for class, especially when I already know what's going to be covered and my time is spent more efficiently at home. I missed classes two weeks ago – because I'm allowed to miss one javascript class without penalty and I'm ahead in my flash class. And then I missed my classes again yesterday. My absence was noted, and I promptly received emails from both my teachers. Small classes are always interesting when two people are absent and that leaves only half a class.

While being lazy with attending school physically, I did find a glitch in the AiOnline system that works to my advantage. There is something good that can come from the way they've structured their web classes.

March 13, 2005 03:55 PM
So much for that.
I guess that's what I get for being a dreamer, what I get for believing even after I did research and found the doubts stacked and proven. That's what I get for wanting an easy way out, for actually having high hopes in something that sounds too good to be true because the case usually is that it is too good to be true.

March 15, 2005 09:40 PM
of a mother and daughter
i wish we would have a real conversation, but it's always the same. always the same questions, the same unnecessary concerns, the same constant berating criticism.

i wish that we could talk like normal people talk. i wish that you could be as proud of me as you are worried and demanding. i wish that i didn't feel so belittled, so insufficient, frustrated and exasperated every time i hear your voice.

i remember when i was younger and i thought you had all the answers in the world. i remember the times where i was sick or when i'd fall and scrape my knees, you were always there to fix me right up; there wasn't anything i didn't think you couldn't do then.

it makes me sad now, to see you the complete opposite. it frustrates me to have to explain something so simple so many times, to argue a pointless arguement because you'll never see my side so why do you keep asking.

the world isn't what it was anymore. things change, people adapt. stop shoving me down your path; let me find my own way. i'm still going to school. i'm still going to graduate. don't tell me how to live my life, or my brother to live mine. i know you only want what's best but you can't judge best from such a narrow view. my eyes have opened and widen more each day, but i still can't make you see.

March 18, 2005 01:22 PM
what more could a girl want?
i did well on my final (at the least a B, but possibly an A!) and when i got back from school, my boyfriend did my audio homework for me, i got laid, and was presented with breakfast in bed - french toast, my favorite - the next morning. life is good.

March 18, 2005 02:44 PM
no one ever listens to me.
why don't you understand me? why don't you let me do the designing if i'm the designer? it looks good, it looks professional. you want to turn your website into something of an eyesore overflowing with chaos? fiiiiiiiiine.

maybe i'm not cut of for web designing. my second paid website and not much less frustrating than the first.

March 24, 2005 12:28 AM
class happens too early
if there's one thing i learned in high school, it's that i can push together two armless office chairs, lay across the seats, and sleep just fine.

i'm glad this is the last day for a while that i'll have to get up this early. i couldn't sleep again last night. i went to bed at 11:30 with plans of getting at least seven and a half hours of sleep. instead, i watched the numbers on my clock change again. i did get to sleep around 5:30 but by then, it was pretty pointless.

i got back my final from last week, aced it. i had the right idea to double check my answers before turning it in, because i missed a lot of obvious answers from lack of sleep. i should have triple checked it though. the questions i missed were ones i knew the answers to, but i guess being tired makes me dyslexic. i checked false when i meant true and counted numbers off by one. my teacher said she was glad i missed some though, because she gave us all some extra points, and if i had gotten any more answers right, i would have had over 100 percent.

presentations were boring and went by quick enough (yay for a small class). it's funny how people don't really talk to you till the last class, and you converse like you've been friends all along.

March 24, 2005 12:48 AM
client meeting
the rain was refreshing, but today was windier than i expected; i was practically blown into a fence. my face was freezing and i wanted nothing more than to lay down under warm blankets and get some sleep. but i had to meet with my client.

i arranged to schedule time with her between my classes, since we were done early and i'd have at least two hours to kill. i spent last night working on some of the comps she wanted, but didn't feel that they were complete enough.

she was a lot friendlier than i expected, and actually a pretty cool person. maybe i should have met with her from the beginning. we cleared up a lot of the misunderstandings we seemed to have had. i made her see and agree to my points, and i understood that she really wanted to keep her site simple. we compromised, and are now clear about the design.

though cold and tired beyond belief, things have been going well and working out so far today.